Season 1 Episode 1: "Pilot"
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Future Ted: Kids, I'm gonna' tell you an incredible story - the story of how I met your mother.
Son: Are we being punished for something?
Future Ted: No.
Daughter: Yeah, is this going to take a while?
Future Ted: Yes.
Future Ted: (voice over about seeing Robin for the first time) It was like something from an old movie. Where the sailor sees the girl across the crowded dance floor and turns to his buddy, and says, "See that girl? I'm gonna marry her someday."
Ted: She didn't even give me the signal!
Barney: What, is she gonna... is she gonna bat her eyes at you in morse code? (bats eyes) Ted... kiss me. No! You just kiss her!
Ted: Not if you don't get the signal!
(Barney spontaneously kisses Marshall)
Barney: Did Marshall give me the signal?
Marshall: No! (to Lily) I didn't, I swear!
Robin: "I love a Scotch that's old enough to order its own Scotch."
"Hi, have you met Ted?"
—Barney's classic wingman line
Robin: I think I like your olive theory. (Marshall hates olives, but Lily loves them, and in Ted's opinion, that's what makes them a great couple; perfect balance.)
Ted: I think I like your new French horn. ( Ted steals it for Robin after she saw in a restaurant called "Carmichaels" and he said it reminded him of a 'Smurf penis' and she said she'd like one for her apartment.)
Robin: I think I like your nose.
Ted: I think I'm in love with you.
Barney: Look, our forefathers died for the "pursuit of happiness," okay? Not for the "sit around and wait of happiness." Now if you want, we can go to the same bar, drink the same beer, talk to the same people every day or you can grab life by the crack and lick the crap out of it.
Season 1 Episode 4: "Return of the Shirt"
Narrator: Kids, when you’re single all you’re looking for is happily ever after. But only one of your stories can end that way. The rest end with someone getting hurt. This is one of those stories, and it starts… with a shirt.
Season 1 Episode 6: "Slutty Pumpkin"
Robin: How do you do this Ted? How do sit out here all night, in the cold, and still have faith that your pumpkin's going to show up?
Ted: Well, I'm pretty drunk. Look I know the odds are, the love of my life isn't going to magically walk through that door in a pumpkin costume at 2:43 in the morning. But it just seems as nice a spot as any to just ... you know, sit and wait.
Season 1 Episode 7: "Matchmaker"
Ted: If a cockroach and a mouse can find love in this crazy world, then so can I!
Season 1 Episode 8: "The Duel"
Lily: OK, a toast. Life is full of changes. One day you have an apartment, the next day it's a house of dumplings. But the important stuff doesn't change. To the important stuff!
Season 1 Episode 10: "The Pineapple Incident"
Barney: Ted, I believe you and I met for a reason. It's like the universe was saying, "Hey Barney, there's this dude, he's pretty cool, but it is your job to make him awesome."
Season 1 Episode 11: "The Limo"
Future Ted: Not every night has a happy ending. But all of it's important. All of it was leading somewhere. Because suddenly, it was 2006. And 2006 was a big one!
Season 1 Episode 12: "The Wedding"
Marshall: Being in a couple is hard. And committing, making sacrifices, it's hard. But if it's the right person, then it's easy. Looking at that girl and knowing she's all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest things in the world. And if it's not like that, then she's not the one. I'm sorry...
Marshall: Oh please, we all know how this movie ends. Ted falls in love. Love kicks Ted in the sprouts. Roll credits!
Ted: Okay, guys, I gotta say something, I think my feelings for Robin may be resurfacing.
Lily: Oh, please, they were buried in a shallow grave.
Future Ted: When you're single and your friends start to get married, every wedding invitation presents a strange moment of self-evaluation. Will you be bringing a guest or will you be attending alone? What it's really asking is where do you see yourself in three months? Sitting next to your girlfriend or hitting on a bridesmaid? I always checked that I was bringing a guest. I was an optimist.
Season 1 Episode 13: "Drumroll, Please"
Marshall: Ted, how do I explain this to you. Last night, I ate the best cake of my life. Do you think I'm gonna let that cake out of my life? Hell, no. I'm gonna find out what bakery made that cake and I'm gonna get some more cake.
Ted: That cake really got to you?
Marshall: It haunts me.
Season 1 Episode 14: "Zip, Zip, Zip"
Future Ted: When you meet someone special, suddenly life's full of firsts: the first kiss, the first night together, the first weekend together. For me, all those firsts happened within 48 hours of meeting Victoria.
Season 1 Episode 15: "Game Night"
Future Ted: We spend so much effort trying to keep parts of our lives hidden, even from our closest friends, that those rare times when we do open up, it's amazing how minor those secrets all end up being.
Season 1 Episode 18: "Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M."
Marshall: Ted, what does your mom always say?
Ted: Nothing good ever...
Marshall: Nothing good ever happens after 2 a.m.
Future Ted: But here’s the real question: It’s 2:00 a.m. Your friends are still out singing karaoke, but you’re home early ’cause you’re expecting a call from your girlfriend in Germany, who was supposed to call four hours ago. And then the phone rings.
Ted: Hello.
Robin: Hi, Ted. It’s Robin. Um, listen, I know it’s late, but, uh, do you want to come over?
Future Ted: What do you do? Go.
Season 1 Episode 20: "Best Prom Ever"
Barney : Now, ladies, slut up!
Season 1 Episode 21: "Milk"
Lily: Okay, yes, it’s a mistake. I know it’s a mistake. But there are certain things in life where you know it’s a mistake but you don’t really know it’s a mistake because the only way to really know it’s a mistake is to make the mistake, and look back, and say, “Yep. That was a mistake.” So, really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you go your whole life not really knowing if something is a mistake or not. And, damn it, I’ve made no mistakes! I’ve done all of this– my life, my relationship, my career– mistake-free. Does any of this make sense to you?
Ted: I don’t know. You said “mistake” a lot. Lily, don’t do this.
Ted: I don’t want perfect. I want Robin.
Marshall: Oh, God, not this again. Ted, it’s a mistake.
Ted: Maybe. But it’s a mistake I have to make.
Future Ted: Here's the thing about mistakes. Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake, you gotta make it anyway.
Season 1 Episode 22: "Come On"
Barney: Well, then why are you doing this?
Ted: Because I love her. I love her! I told her that the first night we went out, and here it is, eight months later, and nothing’s changed. So yes, I know this isn’t gonna work. But it has to work! You hear me, universe? This is Ted Mosby talking! Give me some rain! Come on! Come on! Come on…!
(Rain starts falling down)
Barney: Oh, come on!
It's awesome! I'm happy to find here. Thanks!
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